Songs Joseph Would Hate

Sam Ary: For your holy hour playlists

• Peter Seeley +2 — "I messed up ag-ay-ay-an" killed me
• Regina Scime +2 — Ok first of all, this sounds like something Sam would make for fun. Second, I need to listen to this whenever I’m feeling discouraged hahahahah
• shea nowicki +2 — Egregious. You nailed it.
• Claire +1 — “How did this not hurt Joseph?” “This has to be satire” -Fiona
• Brad Stalcup +1 — Would Joseph hate it? Yes. Would everyone else hate it? Yes. Would God himself hate it? I'm leaning towards yes.
• Spicey Riche +1
• Joseph Harvey 0 — Hating this song would feel mean. Also can’t hate anything with this much ambient guitar
• fionmul 0 — “This is going to wreck my Spotify algorithm for the rest of the year” - Claire
• judd.baker 0 — Something about this song itself actually feels inspired. For being a genuinely creative song with (probably intentionally?) imperfect vocals, however, it’s not really an inspired choice for this round. Joseph would probably dislike the vocals, sure, but that feels too obvious to me.
• ared56 -1 — I refuse to believe that anyone listens to this earnestly or for comedic value.

• Joseph Harvey +3 — 🏆 The only submission (besides my own) that rises to the level of travesty. Degenerate, repetitive, utterly boring, and yet catchy enough to stay stuck in your head. I hate this kind of vapid major key rock and roll and this is an especially egregious example.
• ared56 +1 — If he knows/knew what this was about? Certainly.
• Claire +1 — NB: I (Claire) considered submitting this and now I’m kicking myself that I didn’t go with it “I think my knowledge of Joseph’s musical dislikes is incomplete because it doesn’t seem that bad to me” -Fiona
• judd.baker +1 — either this is Alex or Alex appeared to OP in a dream and told him/her to post this
• fionmul 0 — “This riff is so good” *dances* - Claire
• Edward James 0 — I think this is the best content choice, but don’t think Joseph would actually hate it
• Spicey Riche -1

judd.baker: This song inspired this category

• Brad Stalcup +1 — I can just imagine Joseph listening to this song and verbally reacting to basically every stanza. Well picked.
• Regina Scime +1 — “Not in my good Catholic Hangar”
• shea nowicki +1
• Joseph Harvey 0 — 🥈Blahhh. Hate the message but musically it’s basically ok. Not something that makes me want to crawl out of my skin. This doesn’t deserve second but there’s not much truly heinous on here I’m afraid
• fionmul 0 — “I could see Joseph furrowing his brow at this but I don’t think it would actually hurt him” - Claire
• Edward James 0 — Content over musicality. Meh
• Claire 0 — “Sonically this sounds like Bruce Springsteen mixed with Bob Dylan” -Fiona

• Edward James +1 — I hate the original song so much. And I didn’t even know there was a pentatonix version, which means I had to learn how much more I could hate it. It’s like everything I couldn’t stand in 2015 combined into one. But would Joseph hate it? Also yes
• Sam Ary +1
• Spicey Riche +1
• Joseph Harvey 0 — Cons: - Lesbianism - all the tiresome a cappella-isms Pros: - Good, memorable melodies - Undeniable vocal chops - cool production Ok on balance, enjoyed listening
• fionmul 0 — “Maybe Joseph will like this because the clicking noises will remind him of dolphins” - Claire 🐬🐬🐬
• Claire 0 — “Unfortunately we did this in show choir” “I had a gleeful time finding one of the worst Pentatonix covers so I could torture Joseph” *suspicious squeaking noise*“Oh I don’t like that sound.” “Maybe Joseph will like it because he hopes to find himself a cheerleader one day” -Fiona
• Brad Stalcup 0 — I thought about submitting "Cheerleader" as well. But not this version, which I think joseph would dislike more than the original. Joseph despises bland, predictable, and insipid songs like this one.
• judd.baker 0 — Pentatonix goes into the “generically terrible” and therefore non-upvotable wastebasket

• SamRobertsND +1
• Sam Ary +1
• judd.baker +1 — Hahaha I loved this, which is surely a sign it will perform well in a crowd of songs Joseph would hate
• Joseph Harvey 0 — This is just an amateur song
• fionmul 0 — “The lyrics are inane but the music is fine” - Claire
• Claire 0 — “This does seem kind of like Grease should sue [for copying their chord progression] …and maybe the country of Greece should sue for that shirt” -Fiona

Joseph Harvey: Actual torture

• fionmul +1 — “This seems like what Eddie would play to punish Joseph for bad roommate behavior or something” - Claire
• Edward James +1 — This is probably the perfect Bob Dylan choice. There are others that would work more, but everyone else would hate them so much, I don’t think they would do well. This is also a super popular song, but I hate it. I think it drags down what is otherwise a perfect album. Wish I had thought of it.
• Claire +1 — “Yeah this is bad” “Not even timothee chalamet likes this song” -Fiona
• Brad Stalcup +1 — I do think Joseph would hate this song.
• Peter Seeley 0 — What precisely did Sammy do to deserve this?
• judd.baker 0 — Bob feels like the easy way out. Fantastic song tho, and a pretty enlightened submission from among the Dylan corpus, I admit
• Sam Ary -1

• SamRobertsND +1
• Peter Seeley +1 — I laughed.
• fionmul +1 — “I have a sneaking suspicion this is Joseph because I think he’s the kind of person who would know about the hype this is getting and not understand the hype whatsoever” - Claire
• judd.baker +1 — Instrumentally I think this is fantastic, and it might be the type of alt rock song that Joseph inexplicably vibes with, but the particularly whiny Will Toledo-esque vocals tip the scales towards upvote for me
• Edward James 0 — Joseph would hate the insufferable Gen Z nature of this song more than anything
• Claire 0 — “I would throw ass to this” *proceeds to throw ass* -Fiona
• Brad Stalcup 0 — i dunno, i kinda dug this one. I think joseph would too.
• shea nowicki 0 — Fun fact: my MDiv classmate shared this song with me.
• Joseph Harvey -1 — This is actually a very interesting song and reminds me of Radiohead! The lyrics are really interesting too. Come on people!

• fionmul +1 — I listened to this before Claire submitted it and was affirmative of its badness. This one is the worst for Joseph by my estimation.
• Spicey Riche +1
• Joseph Harvey 0 — 🥉 Would be merely a blah pop song without the grating liberal platitudes thrown in. Still a somewhat fun concept, though irritating in execution. AJR somehow have a sound at once instantly identifiable and utterly generic.
• Peter Seeley 0 — I laughed.
• Edward James 0 — This is the only song that made me feel visceral hatred. Complete millenniall slop. Great pick. Given the paucity of upvotes though, going to go with others. 4th place
• Claire 0 — “Yeah this is pretty bad to me and I’d think to Joseph too.” -Fiona
• Brad Stalcup 0 — This is a whiny song, which Joseph wouldn't like. But musically I think he'd be okay with it. It's kinda interesting.
• judd.baker 0 — I have no doubt Joseph would hate this, but so would any reasonable person, so it doesn’t feel particularly inspired

• ared56 +1
• Joseph Harvey 0 — Richard came to ML to late to learn my appreciation of girl pop. There is (almost) nothing objectionable here
• fionmul 0 — “This is not that offensive” - Claire
• Edward James 0 — Joseph wouldn’t like this but he wouldn’t hate it
• Claire 0 — “This one seems mildly bad to me” -Fiona
• Brad Stalcup 0 — Eddie and I have danced to this song many times. Hard for me to imagine Joseph hating that.
• judd.baker 0 — Songs Joseph Would Feel Lukewarm About

• SamRobertsND +1
• Edward James +1 — I am voting for this because I think Joseph would hate it musically, not because of the content
• Joseph Harvey 0 — This song is a great moral lesson in not being led by your passions and earns its length with meaningful development and storytelling interest. The baseball interlude is clever. Some moments are downright theatrical and the vocals are great. What’s to hate?
• ared56 0 — Fun fact: went to a wedding last year of a good friend where the grooms family does a whole bit to this song at every family wedding. All the guys sing the guy part and the girls sing the girl park and they form ranks and sing at each other. It was incredible.
• fionmul 0 — “They sang this on Glee” - Claire “…praying for the end of the song to come” - Claire in the 8th minute
• Claire 0 — “This song is eight and a half fucking minutes” -Fiona
• Regina Scime 0 — If I were voting on what songs I liked, this song would get three upvotes!
• Peter Seeley -1 — Too normal
• Brad Stalcup -1 — Honestly, this is pretty up Joseph's alley (other than the subject matter). "Now I'm preaying for the end of time" is just such a hilarious line.

• Joseph Harvey 0 — Genres I don’t usually listen to != songs I hate. This is nice enough and the super strong accent makes it interesting. Would happily spin again
• fionmul 0 — “People forget Joseph has a soft spot for Irish music. And as you know, I’m the authority on songs joseph would love” - Claire
• Edward James 0 — Nah
• Claire 0 — “Joseph wishes he could shred acoustic like this” “If Joseph upvotes this he hates the Irish people” People forget that Joseph does indeed enjoy a good Irish tune every now and then… -CM
• Brad Stalcup 0 — I think Joseph would love this song, except for the lyrics.
• judd.baker 0 — I’m not convinced Joseph would actually hate this song, but I am pleased to see the Catholic Worker Songbook represented among submissions
• SamRobertsND -1

• ared56 +1
• Joseph Harvey 0 — This is a well done pop song, memorable if quite basic, and brings back swimming carpool memories. No hate
• fionmul 0 — “If you and I sang this at karaoke at the hangar, Joseph would bob his head” - Claire
• Edward James 0 — This song is like a millennial sleeper agent activation. It’s just so good. You can only imagine how must play this got in Tucson lol. I don’t think Joseph would like it, but he also wouldn’t hate it.
• Claire 0 — “I appreciate that this is the only other person who acknowledged his pop dislike” -Fiona
• judd.baker 0 — yawn
• Regina Scime -1 — Sometimes I think “yeah Joseph doesn’t like basic pop” but he likes Coldplay and Taylor Swift, so I don’t know what’s what anymore
• shea nowicki -1 — Feels slightly too common of a song to be an intense hatred. But perhaps... right on the mark for that reason?

Regina Scime: sorry not sorry, trying to play the game

• Sam Ary +1
• Joseph Harvey 0 — This is not a song I enjoy listening to, but that’s the whole point. It accomplishes its goal absolutely perfectly. I prefer more order with my dissonance, but there is a (limited) place for stuff like this.
• ared56 0 — Shelob
• Brad Stalcup 0 — Joseph would hate this song, but basically everybody else would too.
• fionmul -1 — “I respect this artistically and I can’t say the same for all of the songs on this list” - Claire I’m downvoting because I think Joseph might think it’s cool and most of these songs are mid to me. I’d listen to this again highkey.
• Edward James -1 — No
• Claire -1 — “This is what it would sound like for me to be drugged by the fear drug in Batman Begins” “Lowkey I’m having a better listening experience than I did with meatloaf” “(Joseph) likes screaming, remember?” (at the end) “I’m kind of sad that we’re going to listen to something else now” -Fiona Downvoting bc I feel like Joseph will respect this artistically in a way he wouldn’t with other songs -CM
• judd.baker -1 — This is awesome. Why would Joseph hate this